Never Expected This in the Back Seat!

Where's the Bird?

Dyl in bulk laughing, walking along the road.
Me: what you laughing at Dilb?
Dylan: the bird's holding a flag!
Me, looking all around at trees, on fences, on the floor: pardon?
Dylan: the bird holding the flag mummy!
Me, perplexed and scanning windows for what Dylan could possibly mean: which bird is holding a flag Dilb?
Dylan, pointing to a vauxhall laughing his little head off: that bird silly!

"Spiral Galaxy" by a 3 Year Old

Dyl's Punchline Much Better Than Daddys!

Al: what do you call a bear who likes cheese?
 Dyl: Pedro!

Disco Room

Dyl: mummy can we make this into a disco room? Me: err... sure...
Dyl: ok, i'll just get my ukelele!

Poor Nurse Gets It!

Poor nurse giving Betty her jabs has just been pushed away and reprimanded by an angry Dylan shouting "you're hurting my sister!"

The Things Grans Say III

Gran: you're going to France? I remember going to the Isle of Man and it being that bloody windy, my hat blew off!
Me: oh no! What happened?
Gran: to what?
Me: to your hat?
 Gran: my hat?
Me: you said it blew off?
Gran: did you catch it?

Duh! II

Dyl: I want to eat steam tonight!
Jen: What does steam taste like?
Dyl: (looking at Jen like she's thick) Chicken!

Pesky Suitcases

Dyl, trying to unbuckle his life vest: "mummy, can we take off our suitcases now?"

Going Shopping

Gave dyl some pocket money this evening so he can go to the shop that he's watched being built for months and opens tomorrow, and buy something for himself for the first time. So I said to him "so, what will you buy yourself tomorrow dyl?"
And dyl says "erm.... spinach, broccoli and potatoes!"

Answer For Everything II

Dyl: my tongue is sore.
Daddy: that's because you're hungry.
Dyl: no its cos you're talking too much!

Entrepreneur III

Me: did you have a good sleep dyl?
Dyl: yes!
Me: what did you dream of?
My little entrepreneur: diamonds!!

Jenny's Green Car on a Roundabout!

Daddy's Boy II

Dyl: I'm just gonna put daddys star wars on cos Betty likes that one!

Our Helpful Boy!

Imagine Al's surprise when, elbow deep in a Betty exploding nappy incident he shouts to Dyl "Dyl, get me a bag", and after several minutes is presented with a bag of frozen sweetcorn from the freezer!......

Answer for Everything!

"Grr... I've got one child who won't eat and another that wears their dinner on their face! What do I do??" Dyl: "buy daffodils?"

Sleep Talk

Al gets home at 2am this morning.
4am: "Al can you check on dyl? Think he needs the toilet."
Al lies silently in bed. I can tell he is thinking.
"al can you go and check on dyl?"
"Yes......." lies silently.
I can tell he is trying to make sense of the conversation.
"al can you go now please?"
 "Yes......" still not computing.
Al starts patting down the wall next to the bed. I assume he is looking for the light switch bit he continues.... "al what are you doing?"
He continues, scared of annoying me and admitting to me he hasnt got a clue what he's doing.
 "al, what are you doing?"
Hesitating: "I'm looking for the wedding host, bread... I'm looking for the wedding cake!...."

Negotiations

Dyls negotiating is getting slightly out of hand: so mummy if I go and sit in the living room and put the telly on, I get three chocolates?!....

This Card Was Made For My Husband!

Not As Clever As He Thinks II

I love that Dyl is still too young to lie: "mummy my tummy is sore. Can I leave the rest of my breakfast?" "is it really sore or are you fibbing?" "fibbing!"

Not As Clever As He Thinks

picking dyl up from preschool: why is your coat soaking wet? Dyl: it wasn't me. it was the other children. Me: What was the other children? Dyl: Licking the puddles Me: So you've been licking puddles? Yes!

Da-dah!

Al: lets go upstairs and read with your tag pen. Bev have you seen it recently? Me: no Al: have you seen it dyl? Dyl: no Al: well let's go and look for it upstairs then Dyl: ok let's go and look under my bed!

Duh!

John: where do you want your gravy Dylan? Dyl: on my plate!

He's a Keeper

Telling Al about my desire to go to Liverpool's Matou for our anniversary: "It has amazing views over the Mersey" Al: "Well, it will be dark." 11 years

2 Year Old's Dreams III

"what did you dream of last night dyl?" "lambananas!" ???

2 Year Old's Dreams II

"What did you dream of last night dyl?" ".....Alvin and the clock....."

Easter Mystery Solved

Following dyls Easter egg hunt, went to make breakfast. Came back in to dyl singing to an empty box and some shiny foil. "where's your egg?" I ask. Dyl answers like I am stupid, "all gone!"

The Boy Who Knows Everything

"what did you dream of last night dyl?" "i dream ob swimming...... what did you dream ob mummy?" "i dreamt I was running!" "..... no mummy, you dreamt of daddy....."

Grandad II

"what did you dream of last night, dyl?" "piggy pumping in the big bad wolf's face and all the animals happy!"

Chatterbox

Doing some writing with dyl, he just drew an almost "d" and said, "look mummy, d for Dylan and d for daddy" "well done dyl!" "and d for mummy too?" "No, mummy is m" "no, mummy is chatterbox!"

2 Year Old's Dreams

"what did you dream of dyl?".... ....."erm, just the Olympic torch and my nursery guys, mummy....."

Distraction

"so mummy, tomorrow we take my money from my till and we go the shop and we buy - oh no, where are my eyebrows?"

Yep, that's the way you do it!

Little voice from back seat: "Look Mummy"

Good To Know He Listens...

Dyl swallowing whole chunks of brocolli and spaghetti. Me: Dyl, make sure you chew your food before you swallow. Use your teeth like scissors to make the food into tiny tiny tiny -" "- you sound like a mouse, mummy!" "Dyl, are you listening? You have to chew your -" "I like mouse!"

My Fab Husband - He's a Keeper!!

"oof, that's quite a strong, painful contraction, Al..." From behind his laptop screen "..... have some water."

My Fab Husband - He's a Keeper!!

"oof, that's quite a strong, painful contraction, Al..." From behind his laptop screen "..... have some water."

Grandad

Dyl: you've got a small bum grandad, and I've got a big bum.... Dad: and what does your bum do dyl? Dyl: pumps!.... watch grandad!

Sleep Talking

mid-sleep dyl just looked up at me, smiled, pointed to the birth mark on his thigh and said "I've got a tree on my leg", then back to sleep!

The Things Grans Will Say II

Granny Seddon to dad: "Well, when you were born, you were 21 months already!"

Mummy Just Doesn't Get It

Dyl just handed me some pretend chocolate and shouted at me for eating the wrapper!

Impression of a Baby II

Apparently Betty Candle is 'just like a meercat with little eyebrows'!

Daddy's Boy

Dyl pushing luck: mum can we watch a film? Me: that's a good idea, which one? Dyl (tactically): maybe one all about Star Wars.....?

Tough Being a 2 year old

Dyl starting a tantrum, I say "why are you crying?" To which Dyl replies in a devastating manner, "I don't like books!"

Cheeky II

'Abcde..... wxy and z... (whisper) so can I play on daddy's iPad now?'

Cheeky

Dyl: I finished my porridge and my cheerios! Me: wow you're gonna have a big tummy! Dyl (excited): yeah! Like daddy and mummy!

I Love You

'Guys just eat your dinner please...' Jack: 'I love you bevvy' 'Love you too jack' Dyl: 'I love you bebby'

Dad Strikes Again

Al: why have we got such round children? They look like oompa loompas. You'd think they'd look like vegetarians.....

Mu-um!

Always feel slightly suspicious when Dylan starts a conversation with "mu-um, are you happy?"

Impression of a Baby

Me: what do you think of Betty? Jack: errr.. She's a bit of a drama queen!!

Always Gorgeous

thinking dyl would love to get mucky outside, just taken them on an autumn walk through a muddy forest in the rain. dyl cried the whole way!! felt like rubbish mum til dyl whispered on the way home 'mummy you always take us on fun adventures!'

How to Freak Me Out

Dyl: MUMMY! Did you see that man walk across the room??

Quick-Witted

Dyl: Can I play on daddy's IPad? Me: Maybe when daddy gets home. Dyl: Ok, maybe thank you!

Cousins

Jack (cuddling dyl goodnight): I love you dyl Dyl smiles Me: What do you say Dyl? Dyl: Thank you!

I'm a Little Teapot

Dyl putting his coat on: "mummy can you zip me up and pour me out?!"

Dyl's Generosity

'when you wake up tomorrow it will be birthday!!!' 'aw thank you mummy, and I will share my birthday with you....'

A 2 year Old's Imagination

'dyl do you want a sleepover with jack tomorrow? 'no' 'why not? ' 'I don't like jacks house mummy' 'why? ' 'I'm scared' 'scared of what Dyl? ' 'jacks toys' 'what's wrong with Jack's toys? ' 'they fight! '

The Things That Grans Come Out With...

Gran: 'what did you call the baby again? ' - 'Betty' Gran, cackling loudly: 'No, I shouldn't... I shouldn't.... no, I shouldn't but well, I said the same when the other fella, Jack was born - what a bloody stupid name! '

Kids Remember Everything!

Dyl walking home from nursery: "mummy, Olive used to always go swimming didnt she?" "yes she did" Dyl: "and she always jumped in muddy puddles!" "yes she certainly did" "and she used to go home and make everything really dirty" "oh yes!" Dyl: "and she used to shake and get mud everywhere! " "Dyl do you remember all this??" Dyl: "No......"

Ever the joker...

offering dyl his hot chocolate whilst he plays on iPad:"is that nice Dyl. ..... is it still warm?..... Dyl is that nice? ..... Dyl speak to me -" "- why did the banana go to hospital?....."

Twinkle Twinkle...

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are; up above the world so high, like a teddy bear, blue eyes, curly hair; roly poly......

Night Night Everyone

Dyl falling asleep: "hello mummy, hello Dylan, hello daddy, hello light, hello winnie the pooh, hello boat, hello magnet, hello pants, hello trousers, hello door, hello nose, hello eeyore, hello lion king, hello bed, hello monies, hello fingers......."

Entrepreneur II

Not sure I'm happy that dyl has found his money box and keeps chuckling 'money money money'! Uh oh!

Daddy Bob

My boy keeps embarrassing me. He waves at the strangest men and shouts 'Daddy!' Or 'Bob!'

Dyl's Variation of a Song

Dylan singing on way home: "down on grandmas farm there was a little mummy..... that mummy, it made a noise like this 'dyl pick your cars up and put them in your tub or Alvin will eat them!' " cripes! Is that all I say??

Husband Talk!

Me: Ar, nicola's baby (1 week old) has long black hair. Al: really? Me: yes, its about an inch long.... Al: an inch long? That's not long. I thought you were talking shoulder length!.......

Gnocchi

Me: "dyl eat your gnocchi, its your favourite....." Dyl: ".... its ridiculous!"

Plant Pot

Me: Ooo dyl you're such a monkey! Dyl: no mummy, I'm a plant pot!

Wishful Thinking!

me: "ar you'll be able to show betty how to play with your toys when she's a bit bigger." dyl: "and when she's a brother!"

Entrepreneur

Dyl (after breathing in 2 choc brioche): mummy can I have another one? Me: no dyl, you've had 2 already. These are for mummy and daddy. Dyl: ok, can I buy yours off you?

Email

Me: "c'mon Dyl, time to go upstairs" Dyl: "I've just got to write this email!"

Starving Kids

Me: Dyl there are some kids who don't have any dinner because their mummies and daddies have no money so you are very lucky and should eat up. Dyl: My mummy has no money but my daddy has money! (correct!) Me: That's right. You are very lucky that daddy has money to buy you dinner, so you should eat up. Some children are very poor and hungry and would love your dinner. Dyl: I'm good at sharing so they can share mine!

Bobby's Teething!

Trying to get an extra minute to open my eyes in my own time this morning, put Betty down by the side of the bed to play with her bear. When I looked down 2 minutes later, Betty was sat there giving poor Bobby Bear his Bonjela!

HotDog

Daddy reading a bedtime story to Dylan, realises Dyl has been burrowing under his duvet and not listening - Daddy: Dyl, what are you doing? Dyl: I'm trying to be a hot dog!